sighhs. i am back here ! last night feel miserable. yahhs. woke up and have serious headache. cant walk properly. i am giddy. haiss. i always tell myself i am not alonne. but am i ? all alonne. lonely. i am so lonely. i have nobody. all of my own. haiss. slack on the sofa. play games with my sis. to keep myself away from boredom. i choose not to study. i avoid. sorry don ! i have no mood to go outtx of my house. just wanted to be alonne. cause i am. yahhs. always ! after reading, whats i felt ? i am lost. give mie the direction. i never do my part well before i graduate. haiss. i cause all this. i dont know hows to solve this BIG problem. this problem happened so long ago. and no one even bothers to care. all my fault. i should have inform or tell you all. i should have de. so whats i have graduate ? sighhs. i cant blame anyone. cause i am at fault. maybe from the first place 3rd should not have exist. i dont wish anyone to look down on 3rd. on trumpet section. on the band. but i cant stop all this. thier thinking. their mouths. haiss. whats canns i do ? whats canns i help ? please tell mie. let mie do sth for you all. sometimes, hate the face and attitude you all give to mie. haiss. i am not pitying you all. i dont want this history to continues. canns ? i dont want anyone to suffer from this. it hurts to see and hear about it. sighhs. oh god ! i hope something canns change this history. i feel thats we have drifted. not only friends. there is a wall between us. a huge tall wall. the feeling is getting further and further away. yahhs. canns you feel it ? things are hard to say. hard to predict. i shall just not think thats much. but i cant. arrrrrgh ! i am going crazy soon. will you and you all understandd mie ? canns ? i want to drink and drink. i like to drink. yahhs. i hope i canns drink now. who canns pei mie ? myself. haiss. i want to be sick. or have high high fever. until canns die one. study and study. i always wanted to work hardd. but am i doing something ? there is always something that stop mie. i am lazy. i just have to admit it. i dont want to regret. i dont want to have badd results. someone just push mie canns ? i need someone there ! i cant standd you. stop influencing him. you think you are doing the right thing ? maybe he himself dont want to help himself. then i have nothing to say. i guess. i wont be able to save you. i really dont want you to regret your whole life. WAKE UP ! you have to buck up. you have to help yourself. before i canns tryy to help you. hold you back. my friends too. later going grandma hse. long time lerrs. i cannot be so badd. i cannot be so unfilial. yahhs. take cares everyone ! things are hard to predict.
